Parenting Info

Important Parenting Information and Some Tips:

From Liberated Parents Liberated Children: Your Guide to a Happier Family, (Faber and Mazlish, 1990)

• “The most precious gift we can give a child is a positive and realistic self-image. (p. 54). This is why positive praise is so important.

• “The best long-range protection against damaging criticism is a strong self-image. The child who thinks well of himself will recover more quickly from an attack than the one who is already filled with doubt and self-hatred “ (p. 62).

• “Treat a child as if he is already what we would like him to become” (p. 69).

• Often the greatest help to a child is the “parent’s willingness to stand by silently while the child himself works out his own solution” (p. 163).

From How to Raise Your Child’s Emotional Intelligence (Nagy & Nagy, 1999)

• Children cannot tolerate a condition of no attention. Pay positive attention to them. If they can’t get positive attention, they’ll create situations whereby they get negative attention, because negative attention is preferable to no attention.(p. 22)

• The most important battles your children will have to fight are waged between their own two ears. Throughout life their entire life they will have to do battle with their emotions and thoughts of prejudice, anger, doubt, fear, desire, laziness, sorrow, boredom, and others. Prepare them for these battles. Encourage them to share their feelings, thoughts, troubles and problems. That which we talk about becomes smaller, somehow more manageable. (p. 71)

• “Your children need your presence more than your presents.” Jesse Jackson (p. 124)

• Teach children early to avoid justifying his/her mistakes. Don’t ask them why they did what they did, or prod them for excuses until you receive one you accept. Instead ask, “what have you learned from this error?” (p. 138-39)

From Children: The Challenge (Dreikurs, 1964)

• “A misbehaving child is a discouraged child” (p. 36) Not only can a parent’s words or tone of voice discourage a child (e.g., “Come here, Paul. Let me finish it for you. You are too slow” or “No, honey. You’ll break it.” p. 37) but their facial expressions can also. If they spill, “the loss of milk is less important than the loss of confidence” (p. 41). Let them try again.
• There is no need for your child to learn how to cope with frustration as long as we guarantee to prevent frustration (p. 176). Let them experience how it feels and let them learn to cope with it. Do not get in the habit of solving their problems.

From Playful Parenting by Cohen 2001
(1) Choose a “meeting on the couch” over a shaming “time-out” — just sit on the couch next to your child; you may sit quietly or both complain about what is frustrating you both. (p235)

(2) “When we constantly tell children what they should or shouldn’t do, they have no room to think for themselves and they are forced to choose between resentful obedience or defiant rebellion” (p24).

TV & Aggression
“Because of their difficulty distinguishing fantasy from reality, preschool and young school-age children are more likely to imitate TV violence. In addition, aggressive children have a greater appetite for TV. As they watch more, they become increasingly likely to resort to hostile ways of solving problems, a spiraling pattern of learning that contributes to serious antisocial acts by adolescence and young adulthood” (Berk 2003, p621).

An Interesting Brain Fact:
The prefrontal cortex specializes in “planning, selecting and coordinating thoughts” (Berger 2005, p201). “Advances in prefrontal cortex development occur at about ages 3 or 4, making control of impulses more likely and formal education more possible”. Before this time perseveration, a tendency to persevere in a “thought or action even if it is useless or inappropriate”, is common. With prefrontal development, emotional regulation is possible and temper tantrums, uncontrollable crying, and terrifying phobias subside (p238).